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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Cost of Healing Trauma


 
One of my favorite Authors, Bryan Post, said recently in a training video that trauma has the ability to impact people for the rest of their lives regardless of whether it was a physical trauma or an emotional trauma. Whether the harm came from a wound of omission or wound of commission, we all bear the scars of our past.

As a Mamma to five kids- three biological, who were all born into a loving and supportive environment and two sweet blessings who are originally from Ethiopia, I have firsthand knowledge of how kids behave differently in a number of situations based on their history.

No one escapes a trauma as significant as a separation from a birth parent without causing trauma. Our bodies respond from the trauma by means of coping or dissociating. Coping.
As a Fiesta Family Contact, I sometimes receive very panicked calls from families struggling with the kids they dearly love. These kids, just like my own, have been in a stable environment for several years yet there is very little peace in the home. Their behaviors ebb and flow just like all kids but the contrast is evident. The inability to cope with change. The need to hoard food. The perpetual insecurities that plague their little hearts. The need to never be alone; or, always looking to tune-out. They need structure, routine and grace. It requires a parenting style that is different and often seems illogical.

And yet, in the midst of the constantly changing mystery of therapeutic parenting, there are tiny victories. As years of stability begin to  wrap around their bodies- their bodies are telling them it is ok to let that guard down. And they do so, slowly. Remember our kids are always healing and growing. You are changing the trajectory of their lives, by allowing them the time and patience to go through this grief. As we transition back to school, remember to keep your schedule mellow and calm so that they have space in their lives to process through their trauma. One day, one hour, and one conversation at a time!
*Sarah Sanchez *
505-681-3364
For updated info check out my blog at SanchezSeven.wordpress.com

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Surviving Our Blessings

We know we are blessed to have our families. I can't imagine being without my quirky family, my husband and I being alone- and having free time, discretionary income and peace and quiet. I'd like to imagine it, but I can't.

And having gone through some pretty tough times with my kids, I've given a LOT of thought as to how to keep myself going so I can help my family keep going. And what it comes down to is this: I HAVE to take the time to recharge. It's not optional. It's not selfish. It's not uncaring. It is essential.

If I wear out emotionally, or physically, or worse still, have a temper tantrum, I risk damaging the hard-earned attachment formed between me and my child. I risk reminding them of the unsafe situations they have come through. I would not tell you I've never been there, been at that temper tantrum phase. I was raised not to lie. But I WILL tell you that I have learned to guard against "going there." I've learned to assess my needs and take care to at least TRY to meet them. I stay away from "the edge."

I've learned that I am a much nicer person, much better mom if I regularly commune with my sewing machine. I am kinder and smile more if I take the time to put even the tiniest drawing or watercolor in my art journal. And I couldn't do without my weekly "therapy" sessions at McDonald's or Carl's Jr when my most excellent friend and fellow adoptive mom joins me to solve the problems of the world and our children (unfortunately, they never stay solved.)

People being so different, what works for me and gives me something to smile about could be quite different for you. My husband doesn't even sew on buttons, and while he's amazing with a straight-edged ruler and a technical pencil, wouldn't pick up a watercolor brush if his life depended on it. No, his thing is football and re-runs of the History Channel with a little puttering and home repair work thrown in. Fortunately, the kids and I break plenty or toilets and towel bars for him to repair.

Do your family a favor- keep those batteries recharged. Check the Fiesta calendar and join us in trainings, activities and events this fall.

Phyllis Radtke

Looking Forward to a great Fall with Fiesta in the Gallup Area with these Great Events:

October Training:  10 Brain-based Strategies to Help Children Handle Their Emotions  with Tina Payne Bryson Ph.D.

When: Saturday Octover 4, 3-6 p.m.  

Where : To be announced

CEU’s and/or training certificates will be available. Please RSVP by Wed Oct 1 by calling or texting to Brian Kruis (505-488-8697) or Sheila Kruis (505-488-8696) or email us @ bpkruis@yahoo.com or skruis@gmcs.k12.nm.us

November Training:  10 Things  Adoption Search and Reunion with Sharon Roszia MS

When: Saturday Nov. 15 2-5 p.m.

Where:  Grace Bible Church, 222 E Boulder Rd. Gallup, NM 87301

Training certificates will be available. Please RSVP by Wed Nov 12 by calling or texting to Brian Kruis (505-488-8697) or Sheila Kruis (505-488-8696) or email us @ bpkruis@yahoo.com or skruis@gmcs.k12.nm.us

WOW! WOW! WOW!

That's the main thing I can say.  WOW!  Judy Deinema, Occupational Therpist
from Albuquerque came to Gallup  on Saturday, September 13 to do a training on Sensory
Integration issues.  She gave  practical ideas for students who are overwhelmed
with everything coming at them.  How do we help them focus, calm down,
redirect?

THE COMMUNITY IS HUNGRY to learn practical ideas for helping kids.  We
opened this training up for adoptive families and professionals who work with
our kids.  The training was on a Saturday so we didn't expect a great response
from professionals- but were we ever wrong!!  We had more people wanting to come
than we could handle.  We allowed 45 people to come to the training: teachers,
special ed, pre-school teachers, counselors, shadows,
assistants, and professionals are looking for practical answers!!!

THEIR RESPONSE?? Overwhelming positive evaluations.  Every participant
thought it was helpful.  So many said, "We need more of this." Some said,
"This should be mandatory for every new teacher".

WOW! What a valuable day!! Thanks so much Judy for sharing your knowledge!

Have a great day!
Brian Kruis