Nothing to do over Christmas Break?

Okay, maybe you can think of a few things that you'll be doing. But if snuggling in with a good book is on your list, please check in with our book club and leave some feedback :)

Blind Side- a different opinion

I agree with Sheila- I loved the movie too. I cried like an old lady all the way through the second half. It’s a true story and a great story about putting aside stereotypes and doing the right thing. Something about it troubled me though and I couldn’t quite pinpoint where that little mental discomfort was located until tonight. When Sheila wrote that she would like her children to see it when they were older, I wasn’t so sure that I would take mine. I figured out why when I was talking to my husband, Ron, who hasn’t seen it yet. How can you find fault with something that is true and noble? What has been bothering me is that the movie reinforces racial stereotypes. Maybe I’m too sensitive and looking for hidden prejudice, but I’d like to see more balance in the stories chosen to inspire us. Am I just weird?

Book Club

Wow! What a crowd we have gotten on the book club! I can’t wait to hear what each of them thinks about the book. We are on Chapters 5 and 6 and digging deeper into the challenges that can arise in the minds of an adoptee.
When one of my daughters was about six, she walked across the living room, where I was sitting innocently with a book, and she stumbled and fell. Angry, she looked up at me and yelled accusingly, “MOM!” as if I had pushed her. To this day, whenever she is having a hard time, she decides that it is my fault. Chapter 6 is entitled, “My Unresolved Grief May Surface in Anger Toward You.” Interesting.
To join us, look for Face Book group, “NM Fiesta Book Club.”

Coffee and Chat

I haven’t been to a “Coffee and Chat” (formerly known as a support group) for a couple of months, so I went yesterday. It was fun to see how many people showed up. Word must be getting out. The atmosphere in the group is amazing- there is a spirit of acceptance, fun, and the camaraderie of people who understand each other’s difficulties and joys. Some of the group have established, close relationships, but you don’t feel excluded. Rather, you feel as if you've been invited to join the club. One young couple is awaiting their first placement, three families just finalized their adoptions last month, there were several families, like mine, who have several children in various situations, and a seasoned veteran (it was an honor to meet her) who has one daughter almost grown.
This is an informal, friendly group and although the topic was “Holiday Stress,” we mostly talked about things that were on our minds during this season. We talked about the sorrow of having a child absent during this time due to hospitalization. There is sadness in missing someone you love, relief that help is coming for them, and concern, because you need to face that your child’s problem’s are bigger than you had hoped. We discussed services like the DD Waiver, sensory disfunction, mental health legislation, and what to look for and how to find a good therapist. Several recommendations were given for therapists who understand adoption. We talked about difficult behaviors that come about when a child is starting to attach to his caregiver and the best ways to deal with stealing, lying, and rage. We laughed a lot, drank coffee, and shared funny “kid stories.” The two hours flew by and most people stayed to join their kids in putting gift bags together for kids at a local shelter.
Here’s your invitation to participate. There are groups like this one all over the state. Times are listed on the website. There is free childcare and the kids get to hang out with other adoptees. Maybe it sounds like your family is going through similar challenges. Just being with friends who understand is a big help. If not, and your family is going through a season of calm, please come to let other families share in your wisdom and success. And if you are thinking about adoption or waiting for a child, your family will benefit from starting to gain understanding and build a foundation and strategies for success. We’ll save you a chair.

Christmas Party for Gallup

The last event of 2009 for the Gallup area will be held on Sat. Dec. 12 from 6:30 - 8:00 p.m. at Indian Hills Elementary. The adults will first discuss ch. 7 from "20 Things..." book and then have a White Elephant Gift Exchange. The kids will be making Gingerbread houses with the babysitters. Please RSVP by Monday, Dec. 7 if you will be coming to this last FIESTA event of the year in Gallup. Call Sheila at 888-298-6681 or email me at skruis@swcp.com.

Mark Your 2010 Calendars!

FIESTA events for the New Year in Gallup, NM.

Training

Sat. Jan. 9, 2010 - Traci Tippett will lead a training for us on "Issues of Attachment" from 1-4 p.m. at Indian Hills Elementary. Please RSVP no later than Mon. Jan. 4 to hold your spot for you and your child(ren). Child care is free, but we need to know who is coming!

Support Group/Book Study

The book we have been reading & discussing is called, "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" by Sherrie Eldridge. You can come to any of the following events even if you don't have the book or haven't read the book. Each event below will be held at Indian Hills Elementary from 6:30 - 8:00 p.m. From time to time we will also have an adult adoptee from our community attend to give us their perspective on adoption.

* Sat. Jan. 30 - ch. 8, 9 & 10

* Sat. Feb. 27 - ch. 11, 12 & 13

* Friday, March 26 - ch. 14, 15 & 16

Teen Event

Saturday, Feb. 20, Teenagers ages 13-19 will meet and eat at Big Cheese Pizza on Rt. 66. If you are an adopted teen or a teen living in an adoptive family, you are welcome to come. Fiesta will pay for the pizza and drinks and if you want to play any games, please bring your own money. 6:00-7:30 p.m. Please RSVP by or before Tuesday, Feb. 16.

RSVP to Sheila Kruis at 888-298-6681 or skruis@swcp.com

Please RSVP for all events so that I can plan accordingly. Thanks!

I look forward to a great year with the FIESTA Project in 2010 working with you and for you on behalf of our wonderful children!

Have a Happy New Year!

The Blind Side - Movie Review

The Blind Side (new movie in theaters now) was one of the best movies I have seen in a long time. It was very well done, a moving story and a clean movie as far as language, sex and violence. If you haven't heard of the movie, it is based on a true story about a black teen, Big Mike, who is taken in by a white southern lady and her family. I would recommend this movie to all adoptive parents! Some day we would like our adopted kids to watch it, but we want to make sure that they will be ready to process the issues that the movie brings out about adoption - rejection, abandonment, abuse, etc... Because all children are not ready to process things at the same age, I highly recommend that parents watch it first and then when you think your child(ren) are ready, watch it with them and be ready to process with them. This will definitely be a movie that I will want to buy and own once it comes out on DVD.

MOVIE REVIEW - "Where the Wild Things Are"

After my 11-year old and I went to see this, I felt compelled to share about this movie.

"Where the Wild Things Are" is brilliantly done. This is a wonderful movie for a psy student, or an adult. Unfortunately, this is NOT a movie for a child to see - IN MY OPINION, especially for those of us whose children have been through trauma.

The movie opens w/ 'Max' running through the house chasing the family dog w/ a fork. It was not an endearing run either, but a Rageful intent to harm the creature, which he does catch the dog (nothing is shown).

The movie is amazingly creative how they brake down each character on the island to describe the family dynamics of being broken and wounded. The creatures on the island are the 'Scape Goat', 'The Black Sheep', 'The Hero Child', etc...

You feel Max's loneliness and desperation; along with his mother. It is very intense. Towards the end, one of the creatures takes on a very dark and dangerous feel. To me, I could see and feel the dark and twisted pathology of this creature.

I would HIGHLY recommend adults see this movie, or young adults. It really brings you into an understanding of the destruction and hopelessness of a wounded home (and individuals).

I would be interested in others who have seen it.

Monica

IPOD WINNER!!!

Congratulations to CHERAY MILLIGAN! She has won the drawing for the ipod! Thanks to all of you who left comments on the blog. Email me if you have any suggestions for making this blog a help in your adoption adventure.
carol.gloetzner@la-familia-inc.org.

"Twenty Things,,,," Book Club

Please join us to continue the discussion on Face Book. Group name: NM Fiesta Book Club

African Adventure

If you check this blog on occasion and read any of my posts, you may have wondered why I committed to doing a couple of things this month and then seemed to disappear. Maybe you thought I was struck by lightening or fired from my job in a dramatic screaming match with my co-workers. Nope. My husband and I have been in the process of adopting a little girl from Uganda, and the planets seemed to align three weeks ago, causing us to make quick plans for a two-week trip out of the country. Our brave (and/or crazy) friend and OT, Lee Anne, had offered some time ago to watch our flock of kids while we were gone. She added her toddler and preschooler to the mix and managed to make every single appointment and swimming lesson and we are grateful and amazed. (As soon as I got back, she made plans for a rehab trip to Hawaii.)
We had heard the stories about Ugandan adoptions and the long hours waiting. We hoped to avoid at least a little of that by getting everything in order before we left. We have a remarkable Ugandan friend who offered to do much of the legwork for us and we had an attorney lined up who had a court date set for the day after we arrived. It didn’t go smoothly. It took ten days to get the ruling. Thankfully, the judge decided to approve the adoption. (Many people choose to get guardianship instead, which is easier, but requires an extra step at home.) We were thrilled and relieved, but that only left us two days to get a passport (one of her caregivers had lost the one we so efficiently did ahead), have her heath checked, gather more paperwork, and meet with someone at the American embassy. By Friday we knew we were in trouble and headed to the embassy with what we had. We made it through the gate and stepped up to reception just as they were locking the doors. We had no idea they closed early on Fridays. Disappointed, we had no choice but for me to leave for home, while Ron stayed behind with our daughter to make the bureaucrats happy. He is hoping to bring her home next week.
I got home on Sunday night and have spent the week putting my kids back together (they had fallen apart), making phone calls and trying to sleep at normal times. I feel like I’ve come through the fog and I’m ready to take care of my responsibilities including updating the book club and gathering advise for tantrum-throwers (a task that seems particularly timely).
Carol

INTENTIONAL RE-PARENTING training

In Farmington

this Saturday, November 7th

11 to 4:30 @ The Sycamore Community Center

Topics Include:

Discipline vs Punishment

Neurobiology of Trauma

Coming Alongside Anger

Avoiding Power Struggles

Creating an Emotional Vocabulary

& More!

Call Wendy Mangum @ 505-803-3160 to reserve your seat.

child care & lunch provided

Adopted Adult Confirms Book Choice

Hello, my name is Sheila Kruis and I live in Gallup, NM. This past weekend I attended a women's conference at a local church. One of the speakers, Barbara Pack, spoke to us about how we need to take care of our children. What really caught my attention with her was her story and testimony of how she grew up in the foster care system and was eventually adopted as a teenager, but also got involved with drugs and ended up in jail. Her life turned around 180 degrees and she is now raising her three daughters and has a ministry to women coming out of prison or jail.

At one of the breaks I was able to introduce myself to Barbara and I told her that my husband Brian and I have five children total and have adopted three of our children and are working on adopting our foster baby. When she heard that, the first thing out of her mouth was, "You NEED to read the book, 'Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adopted Parents Knew', by Sherrie Eldridge." Then I was able to tell her about my position as a Family Contact with FIESTA and that we are currently reading and discussing that very book in our Gallup Support Group. She was so thrilled! Barbara personally knows Sherrie, the author of the book, and said she would share this information with her as well. This was such a confirmation to me that reading this book is exactly what we need to be doing. I also noticed on Amazon.com that Sherrie is coming out with a new book in about a week, that would seem to follow well after this book.

Beatitudes for friends of special needs children

Saw this on mommylife.net....


Blessed are you who take time to listen to difficult speech:
For you help us to know that if we persevere,
We can be understood.

Blessed are you who walk with us in public places,
And ignore the stares of strangers,
For in your companionship,
We find havens of peace.

Blessed are you who never bid us to "hurry up",
And more blessed are you
Who do not snatch tasks from our hands to do them for us,
For often we need time rather than help.

Blessed are you who stand beside us
As we enter new and untried ventures,
For our failures will be outweighed
By the times we surprise ourselves and you.

Blessed are you who ask for our help,
For our greatest need is to be needed.

Blessed are you when you assure us,
That the one thing that makes us individuals
Is not in our peculiar muscles,
Nor in our wounded nervous systems,
Nor in our difficulties in learning,
Nor any exterior difference.
But is in our inner, personal, individual self
Which no infirmity can diminish or erase.

Author Unknown

Gallup Family Hike

Fall is here and it is so refreshing to be outdoors when the seasons are changing. The Family Activity that is being planned for the Gallup area is a hike up Pyramid rock on Saturday, November 7 from 10 a.m. - noon. Come meet at the base just before 10 a.m. and we'll grab a water bottle and some trail mix and start hiking. Please RSVP to Sheila @ 803-3163 by Nov. 2.

I feel a meltdown coming on

I went to Gallup last Friday to attend Monica’s class on re-parenting and learned a ton! I’ve got to also say that I’m tempted to put the house on the market, pack up the gang and u-haul it over to Gallup because the group there was so friendly, intelligent, and supportive. So on the trip home, when I had time to digest the information and brainstorm, I came up with an idea. I’d like to address a specific challenging behavior, such as chronic lying, stealing, or tantrums for example, and give some solutions that have been successful by some of our experienced parents. Then if you have some wisdom to add, you can help the rest of us by leaving your comment. We could do about one a week. What do you think? I’ve had a question lately about tantrums, so let’s start with that. There’s the good old “ignore it and it will go away” tactic, but what happens if that doesn’t work? Maybe you have a kid that is “too old” for meltdowns, and you suspect that something more is going on. I’ll make some calls to some of our family contacts and get back with you. Oh- and so I don’t get in trouble, I’ll add a disclaimer (my kid is in law school): the ideas shared will be parent-to-parent and not to be taken as professional advice ;-) Also, if there is something specific you’d like us to address, let me know.
Carol

Book Club II

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Want Their Adoptive Parents to Know
Book Club session II, Chapters 3 and 4

I’ve been telling people that I think I’ve developed adult onset ADHD and here is one proof. I am currently reading six books at once. Now, I’m a reader, but I usually stick to one or two at a time. One of the books I’ve been reading along with this one is called, "The Art of Helping…What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting", by Lauren Briggs. I highly recommend it and it is a good companion to this book. Many of us are so uncomfortable around suffering, afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid maybe to address our own pain, that we avoid the very ones who need us the most. Staying alongside our child in his grief, instead of trying to make everything better with a quick hug and a cookie, is what is required.
So here are some things to think about from chapters 3 and 4.

1. Did you have a romanticized view of adoption when you first started the process? If so, how has that changed?
2. Is the term “special needs” overused? Offensive? Are you comfortable giving your child this label? Is it a blessing or a curse?
3. How do you feel about your child’s losses? Does profound loss ever go away?

I loved the section on meeting needs. The lists are so specific and ring so true, that I feel like laminating them and reading them every day. In my busy-ness, I assume that my children must know how much I value them and I don’t verbalize it nearly enough. Now that I think about it, that is also true for all of the people I love.
Please let me know what you think.
Carol

Support Group Book Study - Gallup

I was trying to post a comment to Carol's questions RE: the book, "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew," and was unable to, so I decided to post a comment this way. When our group in Gallup met to discuss ch. 1 and 2, we talked about some of the ways to "Gain Access" with your children. One way that we discussed that we have found to be effective is if your child is from a different culture, to celebrate their culture in your home in a variety of ways. Some of those ways are to have art, clothes, pictures, books, language and food from their culture in your home. Other ways are to connect with people who are from their culture. Whatever you can do to help your child see that their culture is important to you, it will help open the doors to further communication in other areas as well.

For those of you reading this book and are in the Gallup area, we will discuss ch. 3 and 4 on Sat. Oct. 24 from 6:30 - 8:00 p.m. at Indian Hills Elementary. Kids who come to this Fall Fiesta Fun night are welcome to dress up in their favorite fun Halloween costume and get their trick or treat from the FIESTA babysitters a week early! (No scary costumes please.) Please RSVP to Sheila at 803-3163 by Oct. 20th if you will be coming to this event.

Book Club!

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

I’m probably going to love this book, because I have kind of avoided reading it. Like I’ve said, “The title didn’t yell out, ‘Read me!” I’m trying to figure out why that is. It could be that I don’t want to look at my children’s pain, not necessarily because I would hurt so badly for them, but because it requires work on my part. (selfish, but true) It’s much easier for me to only look at what is pleasant or immediate. Easy to try and change unwanted behavior without digging into the “why’s.” Difficult to look at my child’s life without myself on a throne in the center.
The other reason I’ve avoided it, I think, is that I thought it would be a book based on generalizations. I have known many adult adoptees and have been exceptionally close to two. They both fit the category of non-curious, emotionally balanced and not interested in delving into their losses or finding a biological link. Again, I admit my own lazy attitude in assuming that my own children will follow this pattern. If one looks at her childhood with too strong a microscope, nearly everyone can claim dysfunction. Then again, putting on dark glasses to avoid seeing the hurt is the opposite pitfall, isn’t it?
So, here we go….I’m going to jump in and hope this book will help me recognize my shortcomings and motivate me to change. I truly hope that I will become the kind of parent that will be a healing force, encouraging my children to trust me with their pain, questions, and anger.
The format of this book club will evolve, I think, because new things usually do.
Please leave a comment or give me a call if you’ll be participating. After this installment, we will move to a Face Book group in order to facilitate better dialogue. I’ll put reminders on the blog and a schedule. I’ll come up with a few discussion questions, but feel free to stray from them if something strikes you while you’re reading. For now, leave your answers and thoughts as a comment. Please don’t feel as if you have to be grammatically correct or have your thoughts super-well organized. If your style is rambling and informal- all the better. This is a time for friends to learn from each other.

Chapters 1 and 2. (Introduction)
1. Are you comfortable with the author’s credentials for writing this book? Why or why not?
2. Does it seem logical to you that a pre-born infant has already bonded to her mom? Does she grieve or become confused if she is “taken away?” How does this relate to you if your child came into your life when they were older?
3. If you’d like to, please share any success or failure that came to your mind while reading the section, “How to Gain Access.”
4. Do you think that you can bring up your child’s adoption too often? Do you agree with the mother mentioned in chapter 2 who said she talks about adoption with her children every day? Can you create feelings of loss where there weren’t any by planting, even encouraging, those ideas in your child?

Carol

One Happy Mistake!

Well, my boy is out of the hospital and doing better. He’s scheduled for surgery (out-patient) in about a week and we’re hoping that he’ll be as good as new. We’ll have that book club I promised you up this next week…you are reading the “Twenty Things…” book aren’t you?

I had a cool “Fiesta” thing happen last week and couldn’t wait to tell you about it. I had arranged to go to a conference I ran across online. It’s kind of a big deal, but I hadn’t heard about it before this year- the SW Conference on Disabilities at the Convention Center in Albuquerque. I got the okay to attend, but not knowing how helpful it would be, I chose to go the day in which the most workshops were related to kids. (Everything about this conference is kind of pricey.) I also put down the big bucks to rent an eight inch piece of real estate on a table so I could park a pile of our brochures. We thought about renting an entire table, but it was either that or pay the electric bill. (I am sooo cheap- I parked about a mile away to avoid paying $6 for the parking lot. Besides, I figured I could count it as working out, as long as I could avoid getting mugged in the back ally.) After I got my bearings, I searched for our bright orange flyers on the designated table and they weren’t there! When I am in these types of situations, my Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality disorder surfaces and I have to choose one, so I put on a smile and went to find someone who looked official. After explaining the problem, the reply was, “Oh, I know about that. We made the mistake of putting them into the bags instead.” Well, Hallelujah! That option would have cost a squillion dollars more than just sticking them on the table, so now everyone who went to the conference will have an opportunity to know about us. It’s the kind of mistake that you love to hear about!

Anyway, the conference itself was very good and I learned a lot to pass on to other parents, but the best part was the people I met. I must have run across everyone who attended that had an adoption story, several of them adoptive parents themselves. What fun! Oh- and I didn’t get mugged.

Night at the Races!!!

Hi All,

Just wanted to let you all know that the night at the races was a GREAT night! We had a great turnout.... We used all 40 tickets and that didn't even include all of the little ones that got in free!!!!! There was some pretty wild racing for sure but I think the highlight of the evening was when the kids got to go down onto the track and ride along in a race car with the drivers. They all got 2 laps on the track and the checkered flags flew at the end of their ride!!!!! After racing a few families even went to the pits to meet the drivers...... It was great to have so much participation!!! Thanks to all of you who helped to make the night a success!

A Night at the Races!!!!!

Night at the Races!!!
Come join us for a night at the races!!!
The Region 1 Fiesta Project is inviting adoptive families to a Night at the Races!!!
Come join us for the final night of racing at Aztec Speedway!!!!!
I just found out that they will be doing a Kids In Cars night!!!!!
Kids aged 6 to 12 get to ride along in a real race car with the drivers!!!!!

Saturday, September 26th, 20096:00pm

R.S.V.P with Wendy 1-888-299-3014 or 505-803-3160

Attachment Training, this Saturday, Sept. 26th

"Intentional Re-Parenting"

this Saturday, Sept. 26th, from 9 to 2 pm

RSVP needed. Pls call Monica @ 505-235-7261

@ La Familia, 707 Broadway Blvd (corner of Lomas and Broadway)

TEEN NIGHT (12-19) - This Friday (9/25)

Fall is Here In the East Mtns

Camp Fire - Hotdogs - Smores - Hot Cocoa!

THIS Saturday, September 25th

5:30-8:00 @ Glotzner Homestead

RSVP to Gayle or Sue @ 877-380-3597 or Monica @ 235-7261

Call Carol for directions, 270-6219